refrigerate after opening

i wanted to take some time to open up and let extroverts inside the mind of a crazy person.  what is it like being an introvert?  let me tell you...

there seems to be a bit of a misconception about what being introverted is.  some think that you can't be loud and outspoken, or witty and funny, or even a leader.  that's not true at all.  introverts can be all of these things. we do, however, think differently.  now i can't speak for all introverts, but i'll tell you what it's like for me. so here goes:

i'm more reserved in certain situations because i'm concerned about what other people think about it.  a lot of times i'll run through all of the various permutations of how interactions or conversations will unfold.  what will so-and-so say when i meet them?  if they bring up this topic, what should i say?  of all the permutations, the interesting thing is that hardly ever do i think about how to direct the outcome — it's mostly only how do i react?

it's why i'll sit back and observe things a lot.  it takes me some time to run breaching experiments and see — from interactions with other people as well — how i can safely approach situations with certain people.

this is why i don't like large gatherings and find it hard to mingle.  i really don't do well with small talk because it's hard to run through all those various permutations and come up with ways to approach those different situations.  it's hard to observe so many people in so many other interactions and create a safe zone to operate in.  there is so much information going on that i find it difficult to process it.  it's hard work for me to put myself in those situations on a consistent basis because it leaves me mentally drained many times.

then there are other times when i just want to be alone; i don't always need stimulation from other people.  that's not to say that i don't like the company of others, because i do (as long as it's a small group of people i already have a certain level of comfort with).  many times i'm perfectly happy just sitting at home not really doing anything except reading magazines, blogs, books, or watching all those extras on dvds that no one else ever seems to watch.  i can keep myself entertained and engaged, and that's all i need most times.

[side note:] my refusal to dance has nothing to do with being introverted; it's because i've got no rhythm at all — and also why you never want me playing rockband, guitar hero, donkey konga, or any other rhythm games with you.

so if in the past you think i've acted strangely, or you sometimes thought after seeing me in a different setting, “i never knew you were so [insert good quality here],” then i hope you maybe understand a little bit better now.  i'm trying hard to recognize when i'm acting introverted like this, and correcting those ‘bad habits' early, but i'm still a work in progress.